but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
