I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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