plz talk dirty to me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we should paint friendship bongs
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