thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
