you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
