You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
