im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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