brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
