Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
