the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
