Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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