I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
