call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
