So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you would pick up someone in the library
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
