Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
