Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
