I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
