While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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