I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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