So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
