I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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