it hurts more in the daytime
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
