i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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