yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
