do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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