I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
