The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
