I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
