I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
