So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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