doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
