I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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