I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
