i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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