I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My pussy is not your playground.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
