new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
