What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
