there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
