he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Enjoy the penises
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
