giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
