sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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