We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
