i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
