There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your penis caused this!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
