I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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