Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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