Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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