She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
