I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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