Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
even my farts smell like vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
