Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
