every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
