He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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