You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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