That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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