You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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